I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
