Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
