Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
