I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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