her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
