Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
