There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
