is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
