i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
