I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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