The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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