omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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