I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
