I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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