i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
