Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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