So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
