dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize