I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize