this boner is exhausting
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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