I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
