Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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