we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
