my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
