Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
