The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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