Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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