Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
