Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
