All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
