I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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