dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
