Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
