If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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