..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
