you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
did you just send me my own nude
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You were trust falling into bushes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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