Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
