She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
