I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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