Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
