I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
