I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
