How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
