Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize