happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
