I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
