oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
