He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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