You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
