Fuck appropriateness.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
