So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
