dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
