Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
