Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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