Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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