I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize