five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
