What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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