I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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