im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
