forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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