I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
