Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
