I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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