How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
