he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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