I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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