Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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